Sometimes Even Mean Moms Need an Upgrade...

Yesterday, Chase was mad at me.  Pretty much ALL.DAY.LONG! 

 I took it in stride and even laughed about it (but not in front of him).  

He was so mad at me that I was NEVER EVER going to take him to the Smithsonian Museum.

That's right. NEVER!!!  

At one point I tried reasoning with him that I would LOVE to take him one day to the Smithsonian, but that it would just require some planning and saving.  However, it is possible, I'd tell him.  I was trying to get him to be positive; to no avail.

He asked me, "Well, Have YOU EVER been there?"

"No, I haven't visited the Smithsonian before, but would love to!" I replied.

He grumpily retorted," See! The fact that you've never been just shows me you'll never take me either!"

I tried explaining it was a priority to me, but I wasn't convincing anyone, in his opinion.  

What a mean mom I am!

For the rest of the day, I just gave him some space and hoped that by today my budding little scientist would be happy with me again.

Chase's Famous Furrowed Brows

Later, Wade was putting Chase to bed and I was in the kitchen when Chase ran to me with the biggest grin and said,

 "Mommy? DO YOU WANT A HUG THAT GROWS?"

My eyes teared up and I melted.  I had forgotten all about "Hugs that Grow."  Chase used to give us those all the time.  These hugs-turned-squeezes were so sweet.  I loved them, but I don't think I ever even wrote down anything about those sweet hugs.  It has been perhaps 2 years since the

 "hugs that grow" have dwindled away.

I swooned, "Aww...Chase, I remember Hugs That Grow!"

He so very sweetly said, "Do you want one? I've upgraded them!"

Of course I said Yes and he gave me the biggest squeeze.  :)

We laughed a lot and I cried a little too.  I guess I was forgiven. :)

It may be insignificant to some, but remember and receiving a "Hug That Grows" was such a blessing to me.  What if I had forgotten about them entirely?  What a precious memory to savor, and it could have been lost forever.  And now to add an "UPGRADED" version?  That was the cutest thing I've ever heard and the best gift ever...

As I got into bed and recounted my day, I didn't even have to ask myself if the Hand of God had touched my life.  He was there in the form of two little hands and arms and one big squeeze.

Gratitude for the day: Regained memories and a little forgiveness

A safe place to fall

Last night we were having Family Home Evening.  I read some simple stories about strengthening families and then we played the bean bag toss game located in The Friend this month.  The kids really got into it and loved sharing their love for each other.  Livvy would pass it and would often say, "You're the best Daddy/ Mommy/ Brother/ Sister EVER!"  :)  What a sweetie. ;)

During that game, I was hit by a very strong impression.  I recognized that I have allowed my stress to be all consuming lately.  I've begged and prayed that I wouldn't be so stressed, but have continued to let it ebb and flow through me and my days-mostly flow.  I've been trying really hard, but guess I didn't have the proper motivation. So last night, I had the strongest impression that gives me cause to release my stress.  I had only been thinking of myself and how I needed lifting.  I have allowed my children and sweet husband to support me, as I try to carry the burden of seeing to everyone's needs.

Of course, I always hate to have my family see me stressed. I want to be a good mom, wife, and example.  But it hit me so strongly last night that if I continue to allow myself to be stressed all the time, my sweet kids who love me, are not going to have a safe haven with me.  I realized that they will be fearful in bringing their troubles to me if I do not handle things well.  I know they will not want to burden me if I am teetering on anxiety all the time.  I don't think I'm always weak, but I definitely need to be stronger. 

I want my kids and husband to know I am their advocate and that I want the very best for them. I need to let them see I am strong in times of trial and that I will not be broken.  Its a little hard even writing this because I still have self doubt and feel I have a lot to work on.  But I woke up happy this morning and with new determination to be happy and strong.  I'm very thankful for the blessing of realizing this now, and not 10 years from now.  I hope I can live up to it and be let my children know that I will stand behind them always to catch them if they fall.  They deserve that much, at least. :)

(Me and Livvy watching the sunset from up the mountain one evening in August)

Thanksgiving, Opposition, and Prayer

My life has kindof felt like a roller coaster lately, and I have bounced from moments of absolute happiness and surity, to overwhelming doubt and worry.  I'm not trying to overreact because, Really, All is well and I know there are many people struggling with much worse trials, but I have felt plagued sometimes wondering if I've done all I can do to get through the hard times in life. We have some worries for Chase and the hard times he is having with school, appointments, etc. etc.  I'm a worrier. I'm emotional. And I don't like too much stress. Especially when it comes to my children.  
I just hope I do the right things to ensure my kids' happiness and success.
I will share more details very soon, but first, I feel I need to act on a prompting.  My mind keeps recalling the General Conference talk by Pres. Eyring.  I know that I, too, am often touched by the hand of God but I need to be better at acknowledging these moments.  I feel that at this time of Thanksgiving, and also some personal adversity, I need to recognize the guidance and blessings set before me.

Here are some excerpts from Pres. Eyring's talk and the link to the whole talk:

 "I was supposed to record for my children to read, someday in the future, how I had seen the hand of God blessing our family. .

I wrote down a few lines every day for years. I never missed a day no matter how tired I was or how early I would have to start the next day. Before I would write, I would ponder this question: 

“Have I seen the hand of God reaching out to touch us or our children or our family today?” 

As I kept at it, something began to happen. As I would cast my mind over the day, I would see evidence of what God had done for one of us that I had not recognized in the busy moments of the day. As that happened, and it happened often, I realized that trying to remember had allowed God to show me what He had done.

More than gratitude began to grow in my heart. Testimony grew. I became ever more certain that our Heavenly Father hears and answers prayers. I felt more gratitude for the softening and refining that come because of the Atonement of the Savior Jesus Christ. And I grew more confident that the Holy Ghost can bring all things to our remembrance—even things we did not notice or pay attention to when they happened.

My point is to urge you to find ways to recognize and remember God’s kindness. "

So, I'm giving it a shot:

 Yesterday, Livvy was playing with her cousin at my mom's house and apparently, they were fighting over toys.  My mom told them they needed a time out to settle down.

My mom told me how Livvy said,
"OK, Kasha, Let's pray."
My mom asked, "Whatcha gonna pray for Livvy?"
Livvy, "That we can get along."
(She often melts my heart with the sweet things she says.)
Then she began this prayer, "Heavenly Father, Please bless the food..."

I laughed at this cute story and then later last night I thought how I am very much the same.  Maybe my intentions are in the right place, but perhaps I am not always praying for the things that would help me most.  This made me ponder on what things I have prayed for lately and how to improve on them to really meet the challenges I am facing.  I'm still figuring it out.

I'm so thankful for children who teach me so much about myself.  I also am certain that being a mother has taught me more about my Heavenly Father's love for me (and all of His children) than I ever anticipated.  I know that these experiences definitely give me insight and wisdom.  These kids are the hand of God in my life, although sometimes they act like they are from that other side. LOL
(Maybe that's just me.)

                                                          Other famous words to live by :)