Sweet Little Lucas

 

My sweet nephew Lucas was born three years ago with four congenital heart defects.  Although perfect in every way, his prognosis in the beginning was unknown.  I remember seeing Lucas for the first time.  It was love at first sight.  We were very worried about him.  After many surgeries and many, many prayers, our little Lucas came through triumphantly.  He was so strong!  Our hearts were invested in this little guy from day one.  

 We have been so fortunate for the time we have spent with Lucas.   Gabi and I have spent a lot of time with each other and our kids.  She used to babysit for me and since she has had her own children, we have babysat for her.  Our family LOVES her boys-Nicholas, Lucas, and Sirius.  They always get lots of attention at my house.  I have often asked Gabi if we could just please keep them.  They fit in so well here and I love them so much I wanted to keep them for myself.   

Our trip to the zoo- summer 2011

 Braydon, Nicholas, Lucas, Livvy, Sommer, & Chase

Livvy and Lucas' birthday party last year

This fall I got to do a fun photo shoot with the boys at the ballpark. Here are a few of the pics. Aren't they they cutest?

Nicholas, Sirius, Lucas

I love Lucas' sweet face below. :)

 Lucas:

These moments and photos I will always treasure. 

On February 19th, we lost our sweet Lucas in a drowning accident.  Just three days before his third birthday. 

 It has been such a hard trial.  I have never been so heartbroken as I am through this experience.  There are so many things that I know about God's plan for His children.  I am so grateful for this knowledge.  But to be honest, I don't know that my heart has fully gotten the message.  It is still so hard not to mourn the loss of our sweet Lucas.  We love and miss him so much! Even though I do KNOW we will see him again.  My heart breaks for Gabi & Nick, Nicholas & Sirius.  I hate to see my family members in pain.  My heart breaks for my own children and for myself- missing Lucas so much.  I can still hear his voice, hear him coming in my front door asking for each of the kids.  I want to say to him,

"Come give Lissa a hug!" and have him grab my legs.  

What can I say? We love him so much.  

Little Brother, Sirius & me at Lucas' funeral

My kids at Lucas' funeral

One thing that has been hard to process is how we lost Lucas.  My brain wants to make sense of it. Why did he live through difficult surgeries to be taken in a tragic way? Today an answer came to me.  Or at least a way that makes a little more sense to me.   

 Lucas' heart did not fail him. It was never intended to fail him.   He was born with heart complications which took a lot of work to mend.  But like I said, he did so triumphantly.  Because of his strength, he taught us that broken hearts can heal.

Now, I feel some days as if my broken heart will never heal.  I physically feel the weight of a very heavy heart in my chest.  It is so physically painful. 

But I think Lucas would want me to look at the example he set and be strong.  Let the atonement of our Savior heal my broken heart.  I think he would not want our hearts to fail us either.  

So, sweet Lucas, I will do my best- like you.

We love you so much!

The greatest game in History/ Baseball Lessons: Part 3

Part One

Part Two

Walking up to the field- before the game

After Chase seemed excited to go to his game,

I called Wade and told him that we were going.  He asked me if I was sure I wanted to do that alone since he probably wouldn't make it home from work in time to join us.  I could hear his concern but told him we'd be fine.  When we pulled up to the ball park and got out, I (in my little faith) took a quick picture of Chase just in case things didn't go well later.  I hoped to get at least one smile out of the evening.  :)

When we got to the field, his coach was so welcoming and kind to Chase.  I already was so thankful for his two very supportive and positive coaches. The coach pulled Chase aside and tried a few practice swings with him.  Seconds later, they were lining up to bat.  Chase was last in the lineup.

When he got up to the plate, even though I had just had this huge talk with him about how it is okay to strike out, secretly I was on pins and needles.  

 I was praying, pleading for a tender mercy.  

It really was like the scene of a movie.

Strike One!

I'm sure I let out an audible groan....And I was Praying hard!!!

Strike Two!

More Nerves and Praying harder!

Then the next ball...

He hit it! :)

He ran to first base and his coaches yelled for him to keep on running.  

He made it to second base, third base, and then all the way home!

A HOME RUN!!!

Chase ran in with the biggest smile on his face.  We were all soooo excited and cheering!  

My prayers had definitely been answered and I witnessed so much more of a blessing than the little tender mercy I was hoping for.  I just hoped he'd hit the ball!  Never did I imagine a HOME RUN on his first time to bat, ever!  

First hit running to first base

In retrospect, I can only imagine what a fool I made of myself!  I laugh when I imagine all the other parents looking at this crazy mother so excited over one hit.  Of course no one knew how much it took to get to that point.  

Braydon and I were cheering so excitedly and I think I was jumping up and down- hence the lack of pictures when he made it home.  I was so caught up in the moment.  

Call me a dork, but I didn't even realize that there were tears in my eyes until after the fact.

My joy escalated when his team went to the outfield where Chase was manning third base (below) and he kept throwing his arm in the air with joy saying, "YES!"  

That moment was so priceless.  To actually see him revel in his accomplishment.  I was beyond thrilled and thankful to see him have that experience.  

It was the perfect scenario.

My heart was bursting!

My camera battery was low and I could only get one photo which unfortunately didn't show his huge smile.  

I absolutely love this photo of Chase trying to catch a fly ball.  :)

Chase got so into the game and had a blast!

AND...

He got to go to bat one more inning and he actually got another home run on the first swing! 

It was so surreal! 

Chase's team and two awesome coaches

As soon as the game was over, I gave Chase a big high five and said, "Chase! TWO HOME RUNS!!"  He said, " I know! Maybe I'll grow up and become a professional baseball player!" ( so cute)  :)  

I was so thankful to be leaving the game on that note!  We got home at the exact time Wade was pulling up.  With a wary look, he asked how the game went and how we were doing.

I hesitated, briefly, and then told him,

"Today was one of the best days of my life."

He was definitely surprised and happy to hear that.  

But that was simply the truth.  Moments like that can't be planned.  And I knew this was more than a little league experience.  Nothing could make a mom happier than seeing her child succeed and happy. 

 I felt so grateful for so many things that night.  I am so glad even through our worries and doubts, that we made it to that game!  So thankful for that prompting and for answered prayers!  So thankful for Chase's willingness to try!  I am also so thankful for Babe Ruth, who may have hit hundreds of balls, but more importantly gave a little boy encouragement that strike out or home run, we should still play the game.  Because sometimes, you may get that home run. Twice.

The Secret that Changed the Game/ Baseball Lessons: Part 2

For Part One, Click HERE

A week passed by with no mention of baseball at all.  It really was practically forgotten.  Braydon, Sommer, and Livvy had lots of practices for their dance recital that was coming up, so we were pretty busy.  

As I was rushing around the next game day,  getting ready for dance practices, I felt a blanket of calm assurance wash over me that prompted me to take Chase to his game. I was so surprised, since I didn't feel it was a consideration anymore.  But there was no room for doubt in my mind.  I just knew we needed to go.  I wasn't sure why, I just knew.   I didn't even know what time the game started so I went and checked the schedule.  It was in an hour.  Just barely enough to time to hurry and get ready, drive Sommer to practice, and get back to the ball field.  

I called to Chase and when he came to me, I said to him, 

"Chase, I feel like we need to go to your baseball game tonight."

I braced myself for rejection, but he just said, "You do??"

"Yes! I really do!" I said excitedly, and I grabbed his uniform and we got him dressed quickly.  

It was effortless! I couldn't believe it!  The kids all helped to get out the door fast, grabbing dance shoes and ball gloves.  They filled their water bottles as hope filled my heart. 

However, not even a block down the road, Chase slumped in his seat.  

 "I can't do it!"  He said.

Ugh! My bubble instantly popped.  

When Chase makes up his mind, that's pretty much it.  He has a lot of ambition and totally believes he will one day travel through portals and make new discoveries, but hitting a baseball was a completely different story.  

It may sound crazy, but I have felt for quite some time that Chase and I are like one soul. ;)  Our emotions go so hand in hand.  For some reason, we feed off of each other more than anyone I've ever known.  If I'm stressed and don't even say a word, Chase always knows and quickly will be anxious too. He makes me keep things in check!  And if he gets down, I feel his pain so strongly.  Its a connection that is so strong, I often wonder how and why?  But there's no denying that we share emotions.  

I felt so heavy in that instant, feeling his sadness.  Energy and excitement zapped.  Not that I wanted to give up, but I thought if I tried too hard to coerce him, that it would turn into a meltdown and take every bit of strength I had- for nothing.  Only create more stress, for all of us.

 I sent up a quick and quiet, very heartfelt prayer.  I told Heavenly Father I felt we should go, and now I didn't know what to do.  I prayed to know how to help Chase.

Instantly, a thought came to my mind.  I took every bit of energy I could muster at the moment to sound enthusiastic, and said, 

(Me)  Chase, do you want to know a secret?

(Chase)  Sure...

(Me)  Well, this is a really important secret.  Its pretty special.  Most kids don't know it, but it is a pretty amazing baseball secret.

(Chase, a little intrigued) What is it?

(Me)  Well, I'd have to know you can appreciate it, because its such a good one.

I spent the next several minutes as we drove REALLY building his suspense and enthusiasm.  His demeanor was changing, and my hope was building. 

When he was adequately primed, I began.

"I have a secret about Babe Ruth." I whispered. :)

I told him about Babe Ruth and what an amazing ball player he was;  how Babe had the most home runs than any other ball player.  

Chase was excited to tell me that he had read about Babe Ruth in one of his encyclopedias.  

I went on and on about Babe Ruth and the inspiration he became for so many people.

I took my time raving over The King of Swing.

Then I quietly asked if he wanted to know the secret 

(which probably everyone knows, haha). 

Of course he said yes!  

I said, "Babe Ruth is known for his record setting home runs, but he also set another record most people don't remember."

"WHAT?" Chase begged.

 "He also set the record for the most strike outs!" I told him.

"Really?" he asked.

After confirming, I asked Chase, "How could he have a record for both strike outs and home runs???"

Chase hung his head as he said, " I guess he didn't give up."

It was such a tender little statement, so reflective and meek.  I began expressing my thoughts on how we have to put ourselves out there.  It doesn't matter if we strike out every time, we can still have fun and learn to believe in ourselves.  I told him how important it is to have experiences and be brave, even when its hard.  I also explained that people still remembered the best in Babe- not the strike outs, just the home runs. 

If we are doing our best and have a good attitude, people will see the good in us.

Chase loved our little secret and asked if I had any more stories like that, and I then told him about Rudy, and also George Lucas with Star Wars.  

( He couldn't believe anyone could doubt the success of Star wars!) 

I shared how they all could have given up, but they believed in their dreams instead.  

And their dreams were stronger than disappointments.  

The mood was lighter. 

Chase was smiling and looking out his window. 

"How about we get to the game," I said.

"Okay," he said with a grin.

Part three

Striking Out/ Baseball Lessons: Part One

Chase's first uniform

When Chase expressed interest in playing baseball this spring, I was elated! 

 I love baseball for so many reasons.   I never played on a team as a kid, but I did play in the neighborhood, sandlot style. And I found every opportunity to go cheer on my friends and boys I babysat who were playing at the ball park.  I was a huge Atlanta Braves fan in my heyday.  

Not just because of the boys, but

many memories of the ball park are still sweet to me. 

The sights, the sounds, the food, the heat.

Going back to Chaser, I was really excited to form new even better memories with him playing ball!  He played soccer in the fall and did great and had fun, but since my heart lived in baseball, I couldn't wait!  This would be his first year.  

At his first practice, I'll admit, we anxiously realized we were already behind the game.  Chase was getting pretty good at catch, but with very little experience, not even t-ball, I was nervous wondering how he would do compared to the other boys.  And let me tell you, they were good.  

Really good 

for a bunch of 7 year olds.  

As Chase tried batting, he couldn't hit the ball. Not even once. His coaches were so awesome, but I could see his little heart crushing with each strike.  Ugh!  Guilt set in. What was I thinking? I had set him up for failure.  Why hadn't we practiced more?  

With Chase's need for smooth transitions to new things, this wasn't going well. Chase is a sharp kid.  He could see the difference in his baseball skills and the other boys.  I just felt so bad.  Heartbroken. Like a terrible mom.  

The overwhelming situation took its toll and finally Chase was laying on the ground- done for the day.  We left practice early.  We took our humble pie with extra helpings of defeat and disappointment. :(

Chase made it very clear on the way home that he did not want to play baseball, 

at all!  

Wade and I encouraged and offered more practice,

but forcing Chase to suck it up and to not quit would be counterproductive.

Because of his sensory sensitivities, we can't push too hard.

His team's first game was two days later and I offered to take him to go watch his team play and support his friends- just for fun.  He gave me a flat refusal and I took it.  

Oh well.

That was that.

Gone were my visions of him in his cute little uniform and ball cap, sitting in the dugout with his buddies and running through the outfield, getting still shots of him swinging the bat, catching a fly ball, and especially cheering for him as he made his first home run.

  It's only little league, but it was still hard to say goodbye to a chapter that never even started.  

However, it was time to let it go and just move on.  I'm big enough to recognize it was for him all along, not for me.

So, that was THE END of the story,

or so I thought...

Part two

Part three