The Beach and Healing

We had a trip planned to go to California in March, but it ended up being right on the heels of Lucas' funeral.  We were suppose to leave 6 days after our two week trip to Tennessee for the funeral.  We didn't know if we could swing it and honestly, I didn't even really want to.  I was having such a hard time then and couldn't imagine taking a trip- to have FUN!!! It seemed so wrong to me.  But, because we were already committed, we made the trip anyway.  

I am definitely glad we went.  Not that it took any of the pain away I was experiencing- it was with me at all times, but I didn't realize how having our family together for one more whole week would be so good for all of us.  Away from school, life, etc.  

Just family.  

I think the ocean is so healing. I pondered a lot out there and it was so peaceful and beautiful.  I know it really helped my kids too, who were also still having a really hard time with their little cousin's death.

I took about a thousand pictures, maybe more, haha,

but here are a few I was looking at today of us at the beach.

 Pulling our wagon and kiddos to the beach

 Sommer dancing

 Livvy playing in the sand

Chaser and MOmmy getting a little wet.  It was kinda cold that day.

Braydon building in the sand

A couple of family pics

 Sommer

Livvy

Josie ( cousin) Sommer and Chase

Little Livs

Sommer

Sweet Little Lucas

 

My sweet nephew Lucas was born three years ago with four congenital heart defects.  Although perfect in every way, his prognosis in the beginning was unknown.  I remember seeing Lucas for the first time.  It was love at first sight.  We were very worried about him.  After many surgeries and many, many prayers, our little Lucas came through triumphantly.  He was so strong!  Our hearts were invested in this little guy from day one.  

 We have been so fortunate for the time we have spent with Lucas.   Gabi and I have spent a lot of time with each other and our kids.  She used to babysit for me and since she has had her own children, we have babysat for her.  Our family LOVES her boys-Nicholas, Lucas, and Sirius.  They always get lots of attention at my house.  I have often asked Gabi if we could just please keep them.  They fit in so well here and I love them so much I wanted to keep them for myself.   

Our trip to the zoo- summer 2011

 Braydon, Nicholas, Lucas, Livvy, Sommer, & Chase

Livvy and Lucas' birthday party last year

This fall I got to do a fun photo shoot with the boys at the ballpark. Here are a few of the pics. Aren't they they cutest?

Nicholas, Sirius, Lucas

I love Lucas' sweet face below. :)

 Lucas:

These moments and photos I will always treasure. 

On February 19th, we lost our sweet Lucas in a drowning accident.  Just three days before his third birthday. 

 It has been such a hard trial.  I have never been so heartbroken as I am through this experience.  There are so many things that I know about God's plan for His children.  I am so grateful for this knowledge.  But to be honest, I don't know that my heart has fully gotten the message.  It is still so hard not to mourn the loss of our sweet Lucas.  We love and miss him so much! Even though I do KNOW we will see him again.  My heart breaks for Gabi & Nick, Nicholas & Sirius.  I hate to see my family members in pain.  My heart breaks for my own children and for myself- missing Lucas so much.  I can still hear his voice, hear him coming in my front door asking for each of the kids.  I want to say to him,

"Come give Lissa a hug!" and have him grab my legs.  

What can I say? We love him so much.  

Little Brother, Sirius & me at Lucas' funeral

My kids at Lucas' funeral

One thing that has been hard to process is how we lost Lucas.  My brain wants to make sense of it. Why did he live through difficult surgeries to be taken in a tragic way? Today an answer came to me.  Or at least a way that makes a little more sense to me.   

 Lucas' heart did not fail him. It was never intended to fail him.   He was born with heart complications which took a lot of work to mend.  But like I said, he did so triumphantly.  Because of his strength, he taught us that broken hearts can heal.

Now, I feel some days as if my broken heart will never heal.  I physically feel the weight of a very heavy heart in my chest.  It is so physically painful. 

But I think Lucas would want me to look at the example he set and be strong.  Let the atonement of our Savior heal my broken heart.  I think he would not want our hearts to fail us either.  

So, sweet Lucas, I will do my best- like you.

We love you so much!

So Much To Learn

This poor neglected blog of mine... I really have missed you.  Irony seems to have a way with me in that when I have the most to share, I have the least time to do so. I hope to take some time and document what the last few months have taught me.  Ok, maybe the whole last year!  

I marvel at how the Lord answers prayers.  Not too long ago, I read a blessing given to my mother where again and again she was promised knowledge and wisdom.  Because I admire her wisdom and strength, I quietly prayed that I too could be blessed with these traits.  

You know how they say, 

"Don't pray for patience"

 because you will receive experience needed to gain it?  

I have found this true for knowledge as well!

  I have been blessed with the opportunity to learn a lot of things this year.  It hasn't always been easy.  In fact, some things have been down right hard!  But I did pray for it, right?  And the Lord does answer our prayers.  And, it has been after all, a good thing to pray for...

One thing that fascinates me is how much there is for me to learn and grow.  I sometimes feel I have only begun to scratch the surface in this earthly place.  But I am so thankful that when we do set out on a journey to learn vital lessons, our Heavenly Father gives us so many tools to help us.  I have really learned this last year that 

LIFE,

 yes, even here on earth, 

is so DIVINE. 

Not just in the physical sense.  

And when we believe in inspiration, we will see it often- in big and little ways.  

Because it is always there.  It makes the living so meaningful.  

This is my "note to self" 

in hopes that I always remember this...

Waning Summer

I'm upside down over the fact that summer is almost over.  It is good in the sense that I have so much to do.   And there is never extra time in the summer for all of my to do list.  I know that the school days will free up some time and space. And I'm not going to miss doing dishes three times a day!!!  But I still am not quite ready.  Summer just goes by way too fast.  I'm gonna miss my kids.  

:(

I need some chocolate and retail therapy.  ;)

The greatest game in History/ Baseball Lessons: Part 3

Part One

Part Two

Walking up to the field- before the game

After Chase seemed excited to go to his game,

I called Wade and told him that we were going.  He asked me if I was sure I wanted to do that alone since he probably wouldn't make it home from work in time to join us.  I could hear his concern but told him we'd be fine.  When we pulled up to the ball park and got out, I (in my little faith) took a quick picture of Chase just in case things didn't go well later.  I hoped to get at least one smile out of the evening.  :)

When we got to the field, his coach was so welcoming and kind to Chase.  I already was so thankful for his two very supportive and positive coaches. The coach pulled Chase aside and tried a few practice swings with him.  Seconds later, they were lining up to bat.  Chase was last in the lineup.

When he got up to the plate, even though I had just had this huge talk with him about how it is okay to strike out, secretly I was on pins and needles.  

 I was praying, pleading for a tender mercy.  

It really was like the scene of a movie.

Strike One!

I'm sure I let out an audible groan....And I was Praying hard!!!

Strike Two!

More Nerves and Praying harder!

Then the next ball...

He hit it! :)

He ran to first base and his coaches yelled for him to keep on running.  

He made it to second base, third base, and then all the way home!

A HOME RUN!!!

Chase ran in with the biggest smile on his face.  We were all soooo excited and cheering!  

My prayers had definitely been answered and I witnessed so much more of a blessing than the little tender mercy I was hoping for.  I just hoped he'd hit the ball!  Never did I imagine a HOME RUN on his first time to bat, ever!  

First hit running to first base

In retrospect, I can only imagine what a fool I made of myself!  I laugh when I imagine all the other parents looking at this crazy mother so excited over one hit.  Of course no one knew how much it took to get to that point.  

Braydon and I were cheering so excitedly and I think I was jumping up and down- hence the lack of pictures when he made it home.  I was so caught up in the moment.  

Call me a dork, but I didn't even realize that there were tears in my eyes until after the fact.

My joy escalated when his team went to the outfield where Chase was manning third base (below) and he kept throwing his arm in the air with joy saying, "YES!"  

That moment was so priceless.  To actually see him revel in his accomplishment.  I was beyond thrilled and thankful to see him have that experience.  

It was the perfect scenario.

My heart was bursting!

My camera battery was low and I could only get one photo which unfortunately didn't show his huge smile.  

I absolutely love this photo of Chase trying to catch a fly ball.  :)

Chase got so into the game and had a blast!

AND...

He got to go to bat one more inning and he actually got another home run on the first swing! 

It was so surreal! 

Chase's team and two awesome coaches

As soon as the game was over, I gave Chase a big high five and said, "Chase! TWO HOME RUNS!!"  He said, " I know! Maybe I'll grow up and become a professional baseball player!" ( so cute)  :)  

I was so thankful to be leaving the game on that note!  We got home at the exact time Wade was pulling up.  With a wary look, he asked how the game went and how we were doing.

I hesitated, briefly, and then told him,

"Today was one of the best days of my life."

He was definitely surprised and happy to hear that.  

But that was simply the truth.  Moments like that can't be planned.  And I knew this was more than a little league experience.  Nothing could make a mom happier than seeing her child succeed and happy. 

 I felt so grateful for so many things that night.  I am so glad even through our worries and doubts, that we made it to that game!  So thankful for that prompting and for answered prayers!  So thankful for Chase's willingness to try!  I am also so thankful for Babe Ruth, who may have hit hundreds of balls, but more importantly gave a little boy encouragement that strike out or home run, we should still play the game.  Because sometimes, you may get that home run. Twice.