Thursday, March 5, 2009

Winter Blues

For the last week, Chase has had a terrible cough! Then last night, I woke to Livvy gasping for air- wheezing away! Then followed choking and vomiting. Every labored breath she took gave me so much anxiety! My little baby couldn't breathe! It was terrifying! Wade and I tended to her as best as we could and then I took her to the doctor this morning. The prognosis I already knew~ RSV. It has been flocking around our neighborhood and schools lately. I was hoping to avoid it, but I think it had it's eye on us for a while!

I've decided that winter to me is like a really bad, unhealthy relationship. When I first met Him (Winter), he was new, exciting, beautiful. So, I committed. Then ever so slowly He began to control me terribly . I am unable go for a walk and play with my kids outdoors! And If I do, he hovers me as if to laugh at me and show me who is boss! Therefore, I am stuck indoors like a hermit! It gives me depression and anxiety. I wanna yell, "Just GO AWAY!" But, I know that he is selfish and will do whatever He wants with NO thought as to my wants and needs! Selfish Winter!

I begin to envy those with a warmer "relationship". As a family, we keep catching all these lovely viruses that seem to be Winter's attire and we feel so lousy- thus bringing tears and aches to my little ones. Sickness makes the cabin fever set in even more! Winter doesn't allow me to play with my friends as much- can you believe they all have sick kids too? But never at the same time. It is like HE orchestrates this way of keeping me bound to only HIM! Then when for a season, the sun comes out, I think, "Wow, maybe this is the beginning to something wonderful." But then I wake up to it's face all over my front lawn again. WHY? Why must winter last FOREVER???

I realize that I am the one that chose this "relationship". In fact, what makes it worse is that I used to have a wonderful "love" with the south --Winter's enemy. South treated me to sunshine and flowers most days. When there were storms- yes, there were many, they were over so quickly and they actually left behind a lovely smell and vibrant green grass and trees. He would serenade me every day (through all the tiny birds that I loved!)
Why did I ever leave HIM??? And now, he is with someone else. Forever gone...I feel I will always be with Winter. He is still beautiful, but somehow that beauty tends to fade with every shiver and every bite of my cheeks. I am hoping at least that He is planning a business trip soon. As soon as he does, I will be cheating on him with summer and I will not feel the least bit guilty. Oh, well. he deserves it!

Think badly of me if you will, but I just don't feel I can take HIM much longer. Inevitably, He will return again. I know by then I will be prepared to roll down my sleeves and put on my best smile- knowing that every so often, summer will be sneaking into my life. Patiently, I will dream and wait.

Until then,
Bring on Global warming...I need some sunshine! This relationship is lacking "heat".


Lori said...

Wow, you wrote that so well! You can come live with me in the winter and I will come live with you in the "no humidity" summers. Us in the south will be jealous of you come July. I hope your children start feeling better soon.

Charis said...

Amen! Personally, I'd be happy with no winter. I'd travel if I really wanted cold weather. A summer day with a chilly breeze that forces me to put a sweater on is the PERFECT WINTER DAY FOR ME. Bring on SUMMER!

neika said...

Okay that was soooo cute! I know you think I'm a crazy girl, cuz I'm in love with Winter's brother.... WYOMING WINTER! But my love with him is so great. Can't wait to go snowmachining again....

Melissa said...

Yes, Neika-- I DO think you're crazy, but you've always known that! :) I'm glad someone appreciates winter, it's just not me!