Last night we were having Family Home Evening. I read some simple stories about strengthening families and then we played the bean bag toss game located in The Friend this month. The kids really got into it and loved sharing their love for each other. Livvy would pass it and would often say, "You're the best Daddy/ Mommy/ Brother/ Sister EVER!" :) What a sweetie. ;)
During that game, I was hit by a very strong impression. I recognized that I have allowed my stress to be all consuming lately. I've begged and prayed that I wouldn't be so stressed, but have continued to let it ebb and flow through me and my days-mostly flow. I've been trying really hard, but guess I didn't have the proper motivation. So last night, I had the strongest impression that gives me cause to release my stress. I had only been thinking of myself and how I needed lifting. I have allowed my children and sweet husband to support me, as I try to carry the burden of seeing to everyone's needs.
Of course, I always hate to have my family see me stressed. I want to be a good mom, wife, and example. But it hit me so strongly last night that if I continue to allow myself to be stressed all the time, my sweet kids who love me, are not going to have a safe haven with me. I realized that they will be fearful in bringing their troubles to me if I do not handle things well. I know they will not want to burden me if I am teetering on anxiety all the time. I don't think I'm always weak, but I definitely need to be stronger.
I want my kids and husband to know I am their advocate and that I want the very best for them. I need to let them see I am strong in times of trial and that I will not be broken. Its a little hard even writing this because I still have self doubt and feel I have a lot to work on. But I woke up happy this morning and with new determination to be happy and strong. I'm very thankful for the blessing of realizing this now, and not 10 years from now. I hope I can live up to it and be let my children know that I will stand behind them always to catch them if they fall. They deserve that much, at least. :)
(Me and Livvy watching the sunset from up the mountain one evening in August)